7 Years Change a Man
by perichan
Summary: after 7 years of seperation Vince and Howard have a chance meeting in a club, but can their love for one another be rekindled after such a long time? howince k for now
1. Chapter 1

A/N: had this story buzzing round me head for a while now, been writing a bit more every now and again. I'm not known for my updating so I'm sorry if it takes ages for me to update but I won't forget about it and reviews will spur me on t write more, especially seeing as my days are filled with watching my bf playing the xbox lol enjoy!

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Howard scratched his cheek gingerly as him and his fellow dustbin men walked down the dark street towards the hottest new club in town. Howard didn't like clubbing, he never had, but he decided he'd go this once as it was his best friends 30th birthday. Granted the man was a bit - alright a lot - younger than he was but they'd been through a lot together and he had made a promise. Yep, Jeffrey Thompson was a good friend and had helped him through many a tricky situation. The 6ft African American ex-wrestler was a far cry from his previous best friend, but times change and they'd taken separate paths a long time ago.

Seven years had passed since the last time he saw Vince Noir. He supposed that they began to move their separate ways after they left the zoo, nothing was quite the same once they left and Howard quietly hated himself for leaving even if that place, and his boss had driven him to the brink of mass murder, but life back then had been simple, routine, and dare he think it, fun. But as time passed he and Vince grew further apart and argued more often. And after the television advert of him dressed as a crab, living with Vince became impossible as insults and snide comments were thrown his way almost constantly. Eventually he'd packed his bags and left whilst Naboo and Bollo were off doing Shaman work and Vince was at The Velvet Onion. He'd left a note on the side that simply read "I won't be back" and that was that.

He hadn't really given his leaving much thought, he just packed a bag and left and after walking for half an hour he realised he had nowhere to go. Walking aimlessly for a further half an hour it began to rain and calling it a night he dropped to the floor of a shop entrance and used his bag as a pillow. In the early hours of the morning he was awoken by someone calling his name, a distant but familiar voice. Upon opening his eyes he was greeted by the grubby, smiling faces of his old work colleagues back from when he used to be a dustbin man. After going to the pub for a drink and some food and a hearty chat Howard began to work as a dustbin man again and moved into the spare room at Jeffrey Thompson's flat where he'd been for the past seven years.

His life now was far different than what it had been at the Nabootique. There was no shaman, no gorilla's, no potions and none of the other weird stuff that he used to take for granted as being a part of his life. He didn't get harassed by nymphomaniac transvestite's, crack fox's, coconuts, nothing. In the last 7 years the most exiting thing that had happened to him had been the time he and Jeffrey had broken down in the work truck down a country lane and spent the next 4 hours playing uno. He didn't miss the excitement as much as he thought he would, he was kind of relieved for it actually, a break from his hectic life, well that's how it started. Now it was his life, its not like he could just stroll back into the Nabootique after all this time and go back to how things used to be. He wasn't even sure if the shop was still there, if they all still lived in the flat. They probably didn't, HE probably didn't. Howard wondered what he was doing with himself these days, he found himself thinking about this a lot recently. It seemed that the longer he spent away from Vince the more he thought about him, and after 7 years he spent almost every moment of the day thinking about him, scrolling through old memories, thinking about what happened to him, how he'd have reacted to Howard's letter. He probably didn't even care, probably forgot completely about him by now. Something Howard could never do.

"Earth to Howard!" Howard jumped slightly when he felt a large fist knocking on his head like a door. "We're here mate so snap out of it before you walk into someone." Jeffrey beamed at him from behind his rough beard and turned into the club followed closely by Howard and a small group of Jeffrey's friends Howard didn't know very well. As awkward as he felt dressed in a beige roll neck jumper and nutmeg corduroy trousers, he sheepishly followed his friends into the over crowded club and winced slightly at the sheer volume of the place. It was going to be one of those nights.

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So what do you think? More of an introductory chapter to get the story rolling but there will be more content in chapters to come, promise! More angst too, muahaha! Sorry, I love being evil to these guys, although mush and a happy ending is sure to follow. Reviews appreciated, cookies to all!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N:

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Vince poured a shot of Whisky into a glass and downed it, his body quivered as the warm liquid burned his throat slightly and settled in his stomach. Quickly he checked his appearance in the mirror behind the bar and sighed. His hair had faded to its natural mousy brown colour, it had grown so it reached the bottom of his shoulder blades and he kept tied it in a scruffy ponytail at the base of his neck. He no longer wore make up and wasn't completely up to date with the fashions, not that it mattered as his life pretty much revolved around working behind the bar rather than dancing in front of it. But it couldn't be said that he'd lost his good looks. His cheeks were still sallow, his bones jutting out further than most peoples, but the look still worked, large blue eyes setting the whole thing off, although most of the spark and sunshine had faded from them. If someone was to take the time to look deep into his eyes they would easily see the years of hurt and torment that rested just below the surface of every breath. But no one ever did look hard and so no one ever noticed.

Turning his back on the mirror Vince was dragged from his world of reminiscing and dreaming, which he often found himself in, and back to the noise and flashing lights of the night club he worked in. Plastering a wide grin on his face he began to tackle the ever mounting posy that crowded the bar all waving notes in his direction, hoping to be served first.

--

As the nights wore on, the club grew busier. The bands were good and the customers were dancing and laughing and rather free with their money. The takings of the night would be good, Vince mused as he closed the draw of the fit-to-burst till. He'd even managed to make himself a fair amount in tips with sexy women, and men, winking in his direction and buying him drinks. At the end of each night he'd find one, sometimes more, people waiting outside for him having spent the best part of the night standing at the bar chatting him up every free minute he got. Most nights he even ended up going home with them, waking up in the morning before them and writing a note before leaving as quietly as he could so as not to wake them. The note was always the same, thanks for a great night, call me sometime. But he never left a number. Tonight, he sighed, would be no different, although lately he found himself in bed with others just so he had someone to sleep next to at night.

Looking up at the clock he saw they had 15 minutes to closing time and scanning the crowd, which to his surprise was thinning faster than usual for a Friday night, he decided to go out the front for a cigarette, a habit he'd picked up for those long nights at work where he couldn't find time to eat and so smoked instead. As he made his way across the sweaty dance floor a large man bumped into him, almost sending him flying. Two large hands grabbed at his wrist and stopped him before he lost his footing.

"Sorry love, didn't see you there, ya'alright?" The larger man said brushing Vince off slightly. He let out a sheepish laugh and grinned.

"Yeah I'm fine, thanks anyway." and gave a slight nod before heading towards the door.

"Bravo Jeff," he heard a northern voice from behind him and couldn't help but strain his ears to listen. It reminded him of Howard, a man he missed greatly in his life, and every opportunity he got to be reminded of him he took, even if it killed him a bit more inside. "knock the poor bloke for six why don't ya? It might be your birthday but that was plain rude!" the voice giggled slightly, that drunken giggle Vince heard so often these days, and he found himself smiling a little to himself.

"Oh, coz you're such a saint? Remember that time you bashed that kid round the head with a bin bag?" Deep laughter erupted behind Vince as he pushed the double doors of the club open, a hand in his pocket reaching for his cigarettes.

"Yeah, remember the news paper?" There was the sound of a man clearing his throat and putting on a posh accent. " 'young boy violently attacked by local bin man Harold Moon, inquest to follow.' " There was the sound of more laughter but Vince had frozen in his tracks. Harold Moon? Surely they didn't mean-

"Always trust the paper to get you're name wrong, aye Harold?" More laughter, that familiar northern accent laughing sarcastically along with them.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny, the joke died 2 days after the paper was printed, and that was years ago, so drop it yeah?" The laughter died and the deep voice of this 'Jeff' returned.

"O come on Howard, we're just joking. You never could take a joke could ya?"

"I can take a joke, I just can't stand it when people drag it on." The group went quiet before Jeff spoke up again.

"Sorry mate, I know about back then and how you felt about being laughed at, we won't do it again." there was the sound on a hand clapping on someone's back. Vince couldn't stand it, he had to check, he had to.

Turning slowly on his heels his eyes were instantly met by the best sight he'd seen in years. There he stood, Howard Moon, in the most hideous pair of corduroy trousers he'd ever seen, that stupid roll neck he'd had since he was about 12, that same caterpillar moustache swamping his face, those small, beady eyes. He hadn't changed, he was still perfect, Vince's heart skipped a beat. But then the smile that had begun to work across his face faded as the initial joy of seeing his best friend faded.

Ex-best friend, he thought to himself. He has new friends now, friends who understand him, know when enough is enough, treat him right, the way he deserved back then. Vince's body began to tremble and he was confronted with the overwhelming urge to burst into tears. As Howard and his friends moved further into the club Vince ran out the front doors as fast as his legs would carry him and darted down the alley that ran next to the club. Leaning against the wall Vince gasped for breath, suddenly aware he'd been holding it in ever since he'd heard the words 'Harold Moon'. He began to cry.

From within the darkness Vince heard the shuffling of feet and for half a second he hoped it was Howard, until the dark figure of a tall man emerged from mouth of the alley, a hood pulled up over his head, the moonlight glinting in his mad looking eyes. Vince straightened himself up slightly and sniffed the tears back.

"Remember me?" The voice spoke slightly angrily with a hint of sarcasm. A hand pulled the hood down to reveal the face of the mystery man. He had short black hair spiked on top, a slightly crooked nose and deep brown eyes. Had he not been so sinister looking, not to mention scaring Vince shitless, he thought he might find him attractive, but as he slowly advanced on the smaller man any thought of attraction flew out the window. Vince shook his head slightly.

"No, sorry mate, you one of the customers in the club?" as soon as the words left his mouth he knew it was a mistake. The mans face contorted into a twisted kind of rage and before Vince could even blink he was standing over him, staring him down with those crazy brown eyes. His hand punched the wall just next to Vince's head, blocking his only escape route out of the alley. A twisted smile broke out over his face making him look even more deranged.

"Well that's what I feel like after that note you left me last week. I'm a customer, and you're a little whore." the malice in his voice would have made Vince beg for his life had he not been frozen to the spot in terror. "So I'm back to take what's mine my little whore, tonight I'm gonna give you a real reason to cry." His hand grabbed Vince's hair and he shook him violently, great chunks of his brown hair pulled from his scalp at the root causing fresh tears to form in his eyes.

This is it, he thought, his mind surprisingly calm. I deserve it I suppose, it was coming to me sooner or later, I just expected it sooner. His eyes closed and his knees went weak as he prepared himself for what was to come. He took a deep breath and began to shake all over, the sound of his assaulters quiet, manic laughter ringing through his ears.

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Hazah! Another chapter completed. Hope you liked it, mucho angst lol please review, let me know what you think. Will update soon, promise!


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: this is a flashback chapter, I'm gonna put in a few of these every now and then to show how Vince and Howard's relationship fell apart, how they really coped when Howard left and just little things like that to help the story along. Tis short but enjoy, its all my brain can produce right now, I'm shattered!

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"_Howard?" his voice was quaky as he addressed his sleeping friend. He was sat bolt upright in his bed sweating after a particularly frightening nightmare involving the death of Gary Numan and an army of Nicky Clark 'hottest you can get' hair straighteners. He focused on the black lump of Howard sleeping through the darkness and whispered a little louder. "Howard?"_

"_What?" His voice was spiteful and almost a hiss, a tone he'd picked up recently whenever he spoke to Vince. The black silhouette moved noisily in the dark and Howard let out a sigh in annoyance. "Vince, its three in the morning, what do you want? If you've woken me up just to take the piss out of me like you did last night just forget about it, I can't be fucked with it anymore." He made a big fuss about getting comfortable in his bed, rolling over to face the window, and pulled the duvet right up under his chin. _

_Vince's eyebrow creased in the dark and he dropped his gaze from Howard's bed. "I had a really scary dream." He waited for a reply, sitting uncomfortably in the dark for a full minute before turning to face Howard's motionless form. "Howard?"_

"_What do you want me to do about it?" His voice erupted into an angry whisper from under his duvet. Vince recoiled slightly, more from shock than fear and once again his gaze dropped from his friend. _

"_Well… can… can I sleep with you?"_

"_What?" Howard's voice came out louder than intended and Vince turned slightly red. _

"_Not like 'sleep with you' sleep with you, but sleep in your bed with you. I just don't wanna be alone tonight." the room fell silent and Vince wished he knew what Howard was thinking, but after a few seconds silence, which felt like a lifetime, Howard replied, his voice quiet and tired, but not a physical kind of tired, an emotional one that made him sound a lot older than he was._

"_No Vince, I can't do it anymore, I can't-" he paused, words escaping him. "I just can't do this anymore, I can't be your verbal punching bag all day until you need a shoulder to cry on, then come to your beck and call. I can't, no, I won't be that guy anymore. I'm sorry Vince. Go to sleep." _

_Vince's gaze didn't leave Howard's bed, he just stared in silence at the motionless form of his best friend wondering what happened to them as tears began to streak down his face._

_--_

I'll update as soon as, working on chapter 4 right now so don't hurt me for the lack of current story, I'm just pooped so my brains really not working properly. If you don't think flashbacks like this are a good idea let me know and i won't do anymore, i just like leaving you all in suspence lol


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: so I left you with a big cliff hanger and then wrote a chapter flashback, don't hate me lol here's chapter 4, enjoy and review, it'll encourage me to write!

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Vince screwed up his eyes tightly as he felt a course hand move under his black shirt and roughly run along his skin. The hand that still gripped his hair pulled his head back sharply and the tall mans mouth bit into his neck causing Vince to whimper slightly. Fresh tears ran down his cheeks and he felt his legs shaking, threatening to collapse. First his heart was broken all over again at the sight of his old love, and now his body was going to be vandalised as well. He wondered quietly to himself what the point was in going on, he hadn't been happy in 7 years, he'd tried but nothing could bring back the feelings he had for Howard, nothing could take away the guilt he felt for forcing his friend to leave. He deserved this, he deserved everything he got and more. He was hideous, both in his body and his mind. He'd done terrible things to the people he loved, and now he was paying for it. _Please God, just let it be quick._

--

Howard yawned loudly and stretched his arms high into the air, bringing them back to his sides with a heavy thump. Pulling back the sleeve of his jumper he checked his watch, staring at it blearily as he tried to focus on the hands in his drunken state. He smiled slightly to himself, the dopey sort of smile you see on drunk peoples faces where they've reached a point where nothing matters.

"S'one o'clock fella's, time for me to call it a night." he pushed himself off the wall he was leaning against and blinked furiously as his head began to swim with the sudden movement. He let out a little giggle and stumbled forwards slightly, a large hand firmly grasping him at the shoulder.

"Whoa there, careful Howey boy, don't fall now." Jeff beamed at his friend, that same drunken glint in his eye, and Howard beamed back at him. Jeff laughed a little and put his arm round Howard's shoulder. "Come on lads, lets get this piss head into a taxi." his friends laughed and they all agreed it was time to go home, making their way out of the club, thanking the bouncer's at the door a little too enthusiastically for a good night out.

Stumbling onto the pavement Howard stood on the edge of the curb, his eyes attempting to focus on the road ahead to see if there was a taxi in sight. Sighing he turned back to Jeffrey and shrugged.

"Never around when you need them a?" beaming at the larger man he found his gaze wondering down the alley that lead to the back entrance of the club. About halfway down were a couple getting rather close with one another and Howard smiled childishly his shoulder's relaxing slightly. "Aww." he mused aloud. Jeff followed his gaze down the alley and his smile broadened.

"Oi oi!" he bellowed, stumbling towards them slightly. "Good night for you too then?" he laughed as he got closer, but his smile soon faded as the woman looked at him, fear in her pale blue eyes. "You alright love?" the man with her raised his head from her neck and stared at them.

"Piss off, we're busy." his eyes were mad and anyone, drunk or not, could tell that something wasn't right. Jeffrey raised his voice slightly. "Oi love, this guy harassing you?" the woman opened her mouth to speak, a slight whimper escaping her lips before the man pressing again her shook her by her hair, causing her mouth to shut instantly, her eyes filling with tears. Jeff sobered up almost instantly and he and his friends closed in on the alley. "Oi, let her go, now!" suddenly the man pulled a knife from his pocket and put it against the woman's throat causing Howard and the rest of them to stop in their tracks.

"Whoa now!" Howard spoke up from the back of the crowd. _Think man, think, you're supposed to be a man of action_._ Well, once maybe, for him._ It was no use, Howard's brain just wasn't working properly with all the alcohol in his system.

"Come any closer and I'll slit his throat!" He looked into the eyes of the young _man_, it appeared, and smiled manically. "don't think I won't, my little prostitute. Just do as your told and you'll live to see another day, maybe." his grin widened. Vince's eyes closed tight. He couldn't take it, he was weak, he was always weak. _No, I wasn't always weak, I used to be Vince Noir, the elecrto poof, the confuser. I never took shit from no one, so why's this guy any different? Coz he's got a knife? I've had worse._ Vince's eyes opened and he glared at his assailant, causing his smile to momentarily weaken. That was the chance he was looking for. Vince quickly raised his leg and put all his force into bringing his knee in contact with the mans balls. His hair was released and the hand holding the knife dropped slightly but before he had time to run the knife was brought back to his neck and pushed hard against the skin as his attacker struggled to stand.

"I'll fucking kill you!" he screamed and as Vince took in a deep breath waiting for the inevitable, a hot trickle of blood rolling down his neck, the knife was gone, and so was the man in front of him. Hearing a thud on his left and turning, he saw the crowd of men that had gathered around the alley entrance bundled on top of the knife wielding mad man, all that was visible was the hand holding the knife that flew about madly, attempting to cause any damage possible. Vince walked up next to the crazy dog pile and stamped on the flailing hand with all his might, the knife was dropped instantly and a yelp was heard at the bottom of the pile.

One by one the men climbed off one another until just Jeffrey was left sat on top of the now unconscious attacker. Everyone was bruised and battered and Howard was already sporting a black eye, but forgetting his own pain for once he walked up to the scrawny man they'd just rescued, his hand pressed against his neck, blood trickling down his shirt from between his fingers.

"Are you alright?" Howard asked in what he hoped was a concerned voice, he hadn't had much use for kind emotions lately with all the mixed up thoughts in his head. As he neared the shaking man he looked up at Howard and his face fell, eyes widening slightly. He looked scared, horrified almost. Didn't he realise that Howard was there to help, not to hurt him. "Whoa, its ok, we're here to help." he put his hands up in surrender and stopped advancing on the smaller man. Something about him was vaguely familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on it. There was something about the mans watery blue eyes that moved him, a wave of calm seemed to engulf him every time he looked at them. Yet he could see this enormous pit of pain and despair bubbling just below the surface, hidden from everyone. _Even himself_? "How's that wound? Is it serious? Can I have a look? You can trust me, I won't hurt you." the man before him looked confused, like Howard's words hurt almost, but he slowly took his hand away from his neck and Howard took it as a gesture to come forwards.

When he got closer to the wound he realised that it wasn't that deep, on closer inspection the knife had only broken the skin, but had obviously been sharp enough to cause the blood to keep flowing for so long. "Its alright, its not a deep wound, you shouldn't need stitches or anything, but we could take you down the hospital if you wanted, might be an idea to call the police as well." The mans hand returned to his neck and his gaze reached the floor. He looked confused still, his eyes darting across the floor, thoughts and ideas shooting through his head like bullets. He was so confused.

"No." he said eventually, his voice quivering slightly as he rested a hand against the wall. "No I'll be fine, I work just inside the club so I'll get some bandages there." He looked up slowly at Howard who returned a sincere look of concern but this just made the younger man look more hurt inside as he began to walk back towards the entrance of the club.

"Do you want us to come with you, explain what happened. Are you sure you're alright?" the man had begun to shake violently but he just continued to walk down the alley.

"No," His voice was shaking now, the sound it made as someone tried desperately to hold in tears. Howard's face fell, he didn't know why he felt so much for this man, obviously he'd been in a terrifying situation but Howard was unexplainably emotional about the whole experience, like it affected him directly. "I'm fine, thanks anyway." he continued to walk away but Howard ran after him, taking a piece of paper and a pen out of his trouser pockets. _' "You always need what you haven't got, so I'm not taking any chances, no sir." that's what he'd said right before they left that night, he loved it when he was right. _

"_Here, at least take my phone number in case the police need to contact us for statements or something, or if you just wanna talk, you know." Howard scribbled his number onto the paper and held it in front of him. The smaller man turned and almost ripped the paper out of his hand, turning back round quickly in an attempt to hide the tears now flooding down his cheeks. Howard's face fell further but before another word was exchanged the man had run from the alley and back inside the club._

_--_

_Tada! Another chapter finished, I'm quite proud of myself, managing to stay rather on top of this, at the moment anyway lol. Keep the reviews coming and I'll keep the chapters coming and hopefully I'll update soon!_


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: I'm trying to keep as on top of this story by writing ahead of posting. chapter 6 is already finished and i'll be starting chapter 7 soon but if i do it like this if i don't write anything for a while you'll still have a story to read lol i'm warning you all now though, my bf's broken his thumb so he's not going to be at work for a while and i'm going to have to be his maid (no change there then lol) so my updates may be lacking, but i'm trying! brought my laptop to his so i can write, but if its been more than a week and you want more then email slap me to get me on track lol here we go!

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Vince stood just inside the doors to the club, back against the wall, panting furiously as a thousand thoughts whirled around his head.

_That was Howard, he was here, in my club. He saved me, just like old times. But he didn't even recognise me. Have I changed that much? He looked right at me, how could he not know it was me? Has he forgotten all about me? Am I just some distant memory? Or did he forget me on purpose? I wouldn't blame him if he had, I was horrible to him, I deserve to be forgotten. **But I don't want to be.**_

All at once the tears came, cascading down his face and mingled with the blood on his neck and shirt. He couldn't hold it in any longer, his heart was broken before, but now it was shattered, lying in pieces around him as he slid down the wall and onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably into his hands. Luckily the club had cleared out in the time he was gone, not that he cared if the entire club saw him break down, he had nothing anymore. He always thought that if he saw Howard again things would go back to how they were, or he'd have at least been acknowledged. For Howard to look straight at him and not even recognise him was more than he could stand.

"Vince? Oh my God Vince, are you alright?" Becky, a girl he worked with behind the bar, came running towards him. "Chris, get the first aid kit." She yelled across the dance floor. The young man behind the bar, who had been polishing glasses, jumped into action and ran into the back to fetch the green box. Becky bent down to Vince's side and put a hand on his shoulder, the other hand moved towards his neck and she looked carefully at the wound. "Vince, what happened? Hey, its ok now, just tell me what happened, please." Becky was trying to get Vince to look at her, but he was so deep in his own mind thinking about Howard he didn't even hear her voice.

At that moment the bouncers from outside walked in through the doors, one of them forcing a rather beaten looking man through before him. He was bruised all over, the odd trickle of blood from a split lip or minor wound staining his clothes, but the look he shot Vince as he walked in was terrifying, the sheer anger and aggression behind his eyes frightening Becky as she crouched on the floor beside her friend.

"I'll kill you, I swear I'll fucking kill you!" The man began thrashing about under the grasp of the bouncer, but he was a big man, towering over the mad man in his arms, and managed to keep a firm grip on his arms.

"We found him down the alley, a group of guys said he attacked Vinny and pulled a knife on him, so they all jumped in and knocked him out. Not that he stayed unconscious very long." he shook the man in his grasp, lifting him off the ground slightly in an attempt to calm him down. "We'll take him out the back and call the police. One of the guys said he left his name and number with Vinny so the police can get witness statements if they need to." Becky nodded at them and smiled weakly as they dragged the still flailing man round the back of the bar and into the back room. Chris came running from another door with the first aid kit held tightly in his hand. He bent down next to Becky and together they bandaged Vince's neck up and got him over to a chair.

By now the DJ had packed up and the strobe lights had been turned off and the house lights switched on. Vince had regained enough of his sanity to stem the tears slightly, although they still flowed down his cheeks in steady torrents, he just got the sobbing under control. He still couldn't believe that Howard hadn't even known it was him. Him and Howard had been in dozens of life threatening situations in the past, Howard coming to his rescue at the last minute, but this was completely different, this time it wasn't Vince he saved, it was just some stranger in need of some help, and that in itself made Vince wish he'd never been saved at all.

Vince hung his head and once again began to sob into his hands.

--

It had been several days since the attack and Vince stood alone in his flat staring at his reflection in the mirror. The cut on his neck, though not serious, still looked red and angry, glaring at him in his reflection, a constant reminder of the day he realised he was truly forgotten. He always assumed that Howard would have moved on from him, got new friends and moved away, maybe even to a different country it had been so long. Several times over the years he'd imagined what would happen if they bumped into each other, Vince capturing him with his charm once more, Howard moving back in with him, them living together again like old times. On the days he wasn't so optimistic he imagined their meeting being awkward and quiet, Howard shaking his hand as a formality, asking how he'd been but having business to attend to and leaving him again, not ready to forgive him for all the torment he'd caused. But never in Vince's imagination had Howard not recognised him, treating him like a complete stranger. He felt so utterly alone and abandoned.

Vince reached for the scissors he'd left on the edge of the sink and rolled them around in his hand. He looked back at the mirror, back at his reflection, his hideous, awful reflection. He hated it. He hated his hair, his skin, his eyes. Those stupid blue eyes. He lifted the scissors up to his face, lightly dragging the blades across his skin and up to his eyes. His expression changed from uncaring to furious. He was angry, angry with himself, angry with the nutter that attacked him, angry with Howard. He needed some release, he needed to damage himself, he needed to change. He brought the scissors higher and pulling the two blades apart, began hacking at his hair, long brown locks falling to the floor. He cut at his hair manically, but precisely, knowing exactly what he was doing. As his hair shortened, he saw more and more of his old self shining through.

When he was finished he threw the scissors into the sink and once again burst into tears. His hair was how it used to be, bangs round his eyes, scruffy, matted locks sticking up on end. The cut on his neck almost grew brighter and shone more vividly in his reflection, laughing at him almost, reminding him that no matter what he did, he'd lost his opportunity. Howard had forgotten him, and he wasn't coming back.

--

There was a knock at the door and Howard looked up from his newspaper. He and Jeffrey had just got back to the flat after work and he was chilling in the living room whilst Jeffrey was in the shower. The sound of running water stopped from the bathroom and Howard heard Jeffrey moving about. There was another knock at the door and Jeffrey opened the bathroom door in a towel.

"Get that Howard, don't just sit there you plum!" He jested, closing the bathroom door behind him. Howard jumped up from the sofa.

"Right, yes, door." his mind had been in a completely different world since that night at the club. He couldn't help thinking that he was missing something, there was something so familiar about those eyes, and yet so distant and completely strange to him. The sorrow and pain behind those baby blues looked so out of place that he couldn't stop thinking about the poor man they rescued. Howard opened the door and was shocked back to reality.

"Howard Moon?" The taller of the two police officers asked him, hat under arm, a polite smile on his face.

"Yes." he looked slightly puzzled at them for a few moments before the smaller, a young woman, spoke.

"We're here about the attack outside the 'Blue Rose' club. You were involved, correct?" Howard suddenly snapped back to reality and smiled at them.

"Yes, yes of course, sorry, come in, I was miles away." He moved out the way of the door and the two officers walked inside. "Make yourselves comfortable, can I get you a drink? I was just about to put the kettle on anyway." The young woman smiled at him as her and her colleague seated themselves on the sofa.

"Yes thanks, tea for me, one sugar, plenty of milk if you've got it." Howard smiled at her and turned towards the kitchen.

"Coffee please, black, two sugars." the other officer said taking a pad from his coat pocket and a pen. As Howard walked towards the kitchen he knocked on the bathroom door.

"Jeff, the police are here about that attack at the club. I'm putting the kettle on so hurry up." He walked into the kitchen and took four mugs from the cupboard. He heard Jeffrey through the wall rushing into his clothes, probably still a little wet, and heard the door open into the living room.

"Hi, sorry, just got out the shower." He beamed, his deep voice filling the flat as he took a seat across from the officers.

"That's no problem." the female officer replied leaning forward slightly. "We understand that there were several of you involved, we know its been a few days, but we only just acquired the number and address from the victim, he's very shaken up about the whole thing, so we're going to need to take some statements from you and anyone else involved." Jeffrey nodded and smiled as Howard entered the room with the officer's drinks, setting them down on the coffee table in front of them.

"That's no problem, anything we can do to help sir." Howard smiled at them and returned to the kitchen, retrieving his and Jeffrey's coffees. Sitting in a chair across from the police, he blew gently over the surface of his mug and took a sip.

"Right," The male officer began, taking the lid off his pen and turning to Howard. "So start from when you exited the club and we'll go on from there." Howard took a deep breath and searched through his drunken memories, sorting them into order and trying to make sense of the hazy visions.

"Well, it was Jeff's birthday so we were quite drunk." the male officer began scribbling on his pad as Howard spoke making him slightly nervous, but he continued with his story. "We left the club just after 1 a.m. and were waiting for a taxi outside when I just happened to look down the alley." The female officer looked at the notes being scribbled on the pad and turned to Howard.

"And that's when you saw the victim with the assailant?" she queried. Howard just nodded and took a sip from his tea.

"We didn't realise what was happening at first." Jeffrey spoke this time, much to Howard's relief. He'd never had much experience with the police and people in positions of power still terrified him sometimes, so he was happy to pass the conversation over. "We walked over a bit drunk like, thinking they were just making out, from where we were it looked like the poor guy being attacked was a woman so we thought nothing of it. It wasn't 'til he faced me with that terrified look on his face that we noticed something was up."

"And that's when you rushed assailant?" the male officer spoke, lifting his head momentarily from his pad.

"No, we walked towards them but he pulled a knife out so we took a step back. He pressed it into the poor guys neck and said he was going to kill him, then the bloke kneed him square in the balls, very brave if you ask me." Howard smiled slightly and nodded at Jeffrey. "So we took the opportunity before the twat with the knife could do anything else and jumped him. I landed on him first and then Howard and my other two mates landed on top of me. There were a few punches thrown, don't think anyone knew were they were punching, in fact I swear you caught me in the chin at one point." Jeffrey chuckled as he looked at Howard sending the mans cheeks slightly red.

"Sorry, heat of the moment, I just got kinda confused really, I was drunk." He smiled at his friend, the tension in the room breaking slightly when the officer's smiled at one another, the woman letting out a little chuckle, and decided to continue the story himself. "Then the guy we saved walked over and stamped on the hand holding the knife making him drop it. That's when Jeff told me it was alright to get off and we did. Jeff got him by the arms and held him on the ground, but he was unconscious so he wasn't a big threat anymore. Then I checked out the injured guy, gave him my number and he went back into the club." Howard took another sip from his mug as more scribbling ensued from the sofa. After a few moments of pen on paper, the male officer looked up and smiled.

"Ok, anything else we should know about? Did you know either of the men? The assailant's a repeat offender named Darren Brown but he won't be back on the streets for a while now. And the victim is a bar steward by the name of," The police man flicked through his pad looking for the name of the man Howard and his friends had saved. "Vincent Noir." Howard choked on the mouthful of coffee he'd just attempted to swallow and began coughing violently whilst trying to speak.

"Vince?" He coughed before taking a deep breath, clearing his throat. "Vince was the guy we saved? Surely not, it can't be the same guy." The police looked puzzled, as did Jeff, until it clicked and he turned to Howard.

"Isn't that the guy you lived with before living with us?" Howard fell back into his chair and nodded slowly. The police officer scribbled more notes into his book and spoke without looking up.

"So you did know the victim?" he looked up from his pad to see Howard shaking his head.

"No, well yes, I knew him, he used to be my best friend, but I haven't seen him in nearly eight years, I didn't realise it was even him." his face fell as he realised why those deep blue eyes looked so familiar, and his heart sank as he remembered the hurt and torment hidden just behind his cornea's. "Oh my god." he whispered, his gaze dropping to the floor. The male officer went to speak but the young woman put her hand on his wrist and shook her head, directing her attention to Howard.

"We can see this is a bad time for you, we'll come back another time to get names and addresses of the others that were there." Her and her companion rose from the sofa and began to make their way to the door, Jeffrey walking to the door before them and smiling, opening it for them. The young woman stopped before she reached it and pulled a piece of paper from her pad, scribbling something onto it and folding it in half before walking over to where Howard sat.

"I'm not supposed to do this, but this is Mr. Noir's address." Howard looked up at her to see her face in a caring smile, the note held out to him. His body moved without a thought and he took the paper from her hand, his arm falling in his lap as soon as she let go. She put a hand on his shoulder reassuringly before turning and following her colleague out of the flat and back to the car parked outside.

Jeffrey closed the door and turned to Howard, suddenly a great tension began to fill the room. Jeff sat back in his chair next to Howard's and looked at him concerned.

"What now." Howard spoke, barely audible. His mind was blank, not a thought running through as his brain tried to comprehend what he'd just been told. "Its been seven years. Seven years!" his face contorted in a mixture of confusion and sorrow. He was so lost. He didn't know what to do, what to think. How could he not have realised? Yes his hair and clothes were different, but those eyes, those huge blue eyes, how could he have missed it? Then Vince's face filled his vision, that ultimate look of hurt when Howard had walked over to him, hands held high in a sign of peace, completely unaware of the proximity to his old friend. All that hurt in his eyes, it was because Howard hadn't recognised him. Vince had seen him straight away, that's why he looked so anxious when Howard walked towards him.

Howard's heart skipped a beat as he remembered the tears falling down Vince's cheeks as he took the paper from Howard's hand, the tears he thought were shedding for the trauma he'd just endured, when really they fell because he'd been forgotten, violated and then forgotten by the one person he needed to be there for him.

Howard realised now that tears of his own were falling into the half empty mug he still clutched in one hand. Jeffrey's voice suddenly echoed through the silence.

"I think you know what to do." He motioned to the paper in Howard's hand. Howard unfolded and stared at the address written across it. After a few moments Howard leapt from his chair, grabbed his coat from by the door, and flew onto the street on his way to the tube station. Jeffrey smiled and watched as the door swung on its hinges where Howard had had no time to close it after him. Slowly he reached for his own mug and took a sip, settling back into his chair and preparing himself for a quiet, lonely night in.

--

Bit of a long chapter, sorry about that, the scene with the police lasted a bit longer than intended, but I wanted to drag out Howard being a retarded blind man for as long as possible lol 'cookies and cream' ice cream for all reviewers, love ya loads and keep 'em coming!


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: I am so sorry for the delay, i've had this written for over a week now but haven't had the chance to put it up, so sorry again. but, here it is, i'll put chapter 7 up as soon as i can. once again, i'm so sorry!

--

Vince was sat on his double bed, his legs huddled close to his chest, a work uniform bearing a 'Zooniverse' logo clutched in his arms. His eyes were closed and the fabric was close to his face as he breathed in the scent. The uniform was far too large for him, it didn't belong to him anyway. It had been Howard's. When he'd packed up and left the flat above the Nabootique he'd only taken the bare essentials with him and hadn't returned for the rest of his things. Naboo had suggested throwing it out, Bollo said they should burn it because he was such a ball bag, but Vince had kept all of Howard's belongings exactly where Howard had left them until the day he moved out of the flat himself. When that day came Vince had already packed all of Howard's things into boxes and took them to his new flat with him. Some of the things he left packed, such as Howard's clothes and toothbrush, but other things, personal things, Vince didn't had the heart to keep in a box. There were Jazz records arranged neatly next to Howard's old grammar phone, his old trumpet was placed on a table in the corner of the room on a professional trumpet stand, and Vince had arranged stationary village exactly how Howard had it on a table in his bedroom.

As Vince opened his eyes they met Howard's smiling face. For a moment he thought Howard was there but then dawning realisation led him to the photo frame and his very own arm around Howard's shoulders. It was a photo he kept at his bedside, the day him and Howard had gone crabbing. It was Vince's birthday from a time before they even worked at the zoo. They were standing on the beach holding a huge crab between them, Vince's arm was holding Howard's head close to him as they both cheered to the camera at their amazing find. He'd long since forgotten who'd taken the photo that day, but he did remember that that was the first day Howard didn't object to Vince's contact. When Vince had put his arm so lovingly around his best friends neck he wasn't told to get off or that he was going to come at him like an angry screwdriver. Howard just beamed at him and put his arm round the smaller boys waist, then turned to grin at the camera taken by that mysterious stranger, just out of focus.

All his life most people had been just out of focus, Howard was the only person he ever really saw. He was crap with names, he always had been, but from the first day him and Howard had met he knew he'd never forget the name; Howard Moon. He reached over to the picture, took it from the bedside table and rested it in his lap, his eyes scanning the whole photo. The sunshine, the smiles, the friendship. Everything him and Howard had from the day they met until the day Vince cocked everything up. Vince's face screwed up as the tears began to fall. He hated himself so much, everything was his fault, he was so stupid. All his life he'd been stupid, pathetic and self obsessed. Why? Why was he like this, all the time. He was such a fake, a big fucking fake. He never wanted to remember those times, all the fun, all the smiles, he didn't deserve to remember it, he wasn't good enough, he never was.

Suddenly a smashing sound roused him and he realised he'd thrown the photo with such force it had hit the wall opposite and smashed, the photo inside slashed by broken glass and in pieces on the floor. Fresh tears rolled down his face and he began to sob uncontrollably, clutching onto the uniform in his lap so tightly the seams threatened to burst open. He sat like that for over an hour before the tears stopped flowing, and then he just sat in silence, staring at the smashed photo lying on the floor, his mind void of thought.

--

Howard sat in a small café staring intently at the block of flats opposite him. Red Hot Chilli Pepper's played softly in the back ground; Scar Tissue. _Sweet irony _he mused as he turned his gaze angrily to his tea and took a sip, the lyrics of the song boring into his brain. He'd been sat in the café window for nearly two hours now attempting to mentally prepare himself for the big leap towards Vince's flat. It was only twenty minutes ago he'd finally admitted to himself that he was a complete coward and no amount of mental preparation was going to give him the courage to walk over there. He was a prat and an idiot and, and, and he didn't know what but when he thought of something he was that too.

He finished his tea and left some euros on the table in front of him before grabbing his coat and walking from the café. When on the pavement outside he looked at the main door to the flats. His chest swelled with a heavy sigh. _Bollocks to this._ With that thought he crossed the road and walked up to the flat doors. He looked at the intercom and scanned the letters. He'd looked at the piece of paper with Vince's address scribbled onto it so many times he didn't need to refer to it to see which button was the right one to his flat. His eyes rested on the letter E and he took another deep breath. He realised that his hands were sweaty and cold, never a comfortable feeling. Wiping them on his corduroy trousers nervously, he raised his hand to the button and poised his index finger just in front of the E, but it was no use, he couldn't do it, he couldn't move his finger that centimetre forwards to press the button in, all he succeeded in doing was making his hand shake furiously.

Cursing himself he lowered his hand from the intercom and ran his fingers through his hair attempting to steady himself. He took a deep breath and nearly jumped out of his clothes when he heard a smashing coming from one of the windows above him. As he looked up he heard the sound of more smashing and an enormous thud as something heavy hit the ground and broke. He then heard a sound that chilled him to the bone; it was the distinct and terrifying sound of a trumpet being hit with a hammer, the sort of shrill cry a trumpet makes when played by a beginner, but ten times more chilling. Howard made a grab for his heart and took a few steps away from the building to see if he could find the window the disturbing noise was coming from.

As he looked up from the edge of the curb the noises stopped, much to his relief. But as his gaze scanned the third floor windows a vinyl record flew from the window on the right of the one he was looking at and broke on the floor by his feet. As Howard looked at the pieces his face fell and he let out a small cry. It was a rare, one of a kind edition of the great jazz musician 'Jimmy Jefferson', an album he himself had once owned, that lay shattered at his feet. As the undeniable truth set in to Howard's brain he let out a high pitched scream and threw his hands into the air.

"WHHYYY!!" His voice echoed around the street and the passers by that hadn't been staring at the noises coming from the flat window were now all staring at Howard. As the screaming dulled and he ran out of breath, Howard fixed his eyes on the window from where the vinyl had come and glared at it with such force he half expected the building to fall down. As daggers flew from his eyes a figure appeared in the window and all the fury left his face.

--

Tears mixed with blood fell down Vince's cheeks as he stood at the window of his flat staring down at the man that had eluded him all these years. _What's he doing here? Why did he have to come? Why now Howard? Why now?_ He walked away from the window, backing into the living room until his back hit the wall. He looked to his left and saw his reflection in the enormous mirror that reached from the floor to the ceiling. His fingers were covered in tiny cuts from the various objects he'd smashed over the past few minutes. After the crying had finished and he'd just been sitting on his bed he felt an anger rising up from inside of him that he'd suppressed for so long. And in that moment he'd snapped and began destroying everything in his flat that reminded him of happier times. Howard's gramophone was in a hundred pieces littered over the living room floor, most of his jazz records had been smashed on the floor if not thrown from the window. His trumpet lay broken on the ground amongst a pile of broken wood where Vince had taken a hammer to the trumpet and the table it rested on and smashed the lot to pieces. Everything of Howard's lay in tatters across Vince's flat. _What have I done?_

The intercom buzzed and caused Vince to jump slightly and clutch at his heart.

"Vince?" The voice was crackled and slightly mechanised, but it was definitely Howard's voice coming through the loud speaker on the white phone by the door. He made a run for the phone, every fibre of his body wanting Howard to come to the flat and tell him everything was alright, that he was there for him, there to stay. But as he reached the phone he didn't pick up the receiver. He just stared at the speaker, hoping Howard would speak again. "Vince. I know you're there, I saw you." Tears welled up in Vince's eyes. _You didn't see me the other night._ A hand reached at his neck thoughtlessly and brushed the cut on his throat, the scab rough against his fingers. "Vince, please. I'm… I'm sorry."

Vince fell to his knees, his face in his hands, and sobbed quietly. He reached up to the phone and pulling it off its stand, placed it against his ear. After a couple of sniffles he spoke.

"Howard?" At first there was silence and Vince thought that he'd walked away, but then his reply came.

"Can I come up?" Vince took a deep breath and scanned the destruction that covered his flat.

"Now's not really a good time." There was silence for a few moments before Howard replied.

"Yeah, I heard the crashing. Been clearing out some old things? Nearly got hit by one of those vinyl's you know." A forced sort of laugh came through the ear piece and Vince silently cursed himself, hanging his head guiltily. He didn't want Howard to witness that outburst, he didn't even mean the outburst to happen, it just sort of did. There was silence on both ends of the phone which lasted only a few minutes, but both men waited with bated breath for the other to speak. Taking a deep breath Vince opened his mouth, hoping the words would just come spilling out, but he was interrupted by a weary and defeated sounding Howard.

"Look, if you really don't want me here, I'll leave." He could practically hear Howard's heart breaking down the phone, but he just sat on the floor with his mouth open, unable to find the right words that would make everything better, mainly because they didn't exist. "Its alright, I understand." His voice permeated Vince's thoughts once again as he strained to hear the strangled whispers echoing through the phone, the distinct sound of a man trying desperately to stop himself from crying.

Vince's own tears welled in his eyes and he put the phone back on the hook, cancelling the call. Taking a deep breath he pushed himself up from the floor and brushing himself down quickly he pushed the buzzer to open the security doors, outside which Howard stood, head in hand, tears cascading down his face, salty stains on his shirt.

--

The scene where Vince started breaking Howard's things I wanted to add just a touch of humour as my story was lacking it and I felt bad for Howard and Vince and all the pain I'm putting them through lol. Reviews welcome and all that jazz (no pun intended, although I am seriously thinking of going to jazz clubs and growing a moustache, the latter being slightly harder what with me being a woman and all…) 'Til chapter 7, hazah!


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: this is another flashback chapter, i know you want more of the story but i like writing these to fill in the blanks and just show why everything happened the way it did. its probably going to be a while for chapter 8 but i will try my best not to leave it as long as it took to get up chapter 6, promise!

--

_Howard was pushed into a small blonde girl in the middle of the night club, the electro music that played drowned out Howard's apology to the girl but she smiled weakly and wrapped her arms round his neck and began to rub her body against his._

"_Whoa there, sir!" he managed to shout over the noise, pushing her away from him. She pointed to her heart and put her other hand on Howard's and mouthed the unmistakable words "I love you" to him before throwing up over her shoes and falling back onto the sofa behind her unconscious. Howard shook his head and began to scan the crowd around him. He'd been looking for Vince for nearly 20 minutes now and there was no sign of him, and as much as he hated to admit it he was getting worried._

_Vince had insisted that he go to this rave in Brighton, "Biggest thing since Gary Newman played live" he'd said. So Howard, being the pathetic push over he was when Vince pulled out the puppy eyes and the charm, he'd agreed to take him and stay on the condition that Vince didn't get too drunk to stand so they could leave fairly early and get back before dawn. Problem was it was now 4:43 in the morning, Vince was nowhere to be seen, and they still had a five hour drive back home _(A/N: no idea how long it takes to get from London to Brighton so go with me on this one lol). _Howard was growing as impatient as he was worried and he swore to himself that he would be firm and unforgiving when he finally found the electro poof. _

_After another ten minutes of searching (normally, the way Vince dressed, he'd have been spotted a mile away, but everyone in Brighton seemed to dress like him which made the task that much harder) he saw a figure in a bright green jacket and yellow t-shirt walk out of the toilets and towards the door, the same clothes Vince was wearing. Pushing his way through the crowd Howard finally caught up with him and grabbed him by the arm, whirling him round on the spot. As he opened his mouth to speak he realised the man in his grasp wasn't Vince and let go, waving an apology in his direction. The man looked about shiftily and threw his hands in his pockets, running to the door. As he turned Howard realised that no one could be wearing the same outfit as Vince as he'd made it himself the night previously, and then he noticed the slight spattering of blood across the front of the top and jacket sleeve and made a grab for the man again, but he'd already vanished into the crowd. _

_Turning quickly on his heels Howard ran towards the toilets and threw the door open, his eyes scanning the room in front of him. There were about 7 cubicles, 5 of them with closed doors. "Vince." He called, the music, though dulled by the toilet door, still sounded loudly in his ears. "Vince!" he called louder and was greeted by the sound of quiet whimpering from the end toilet. Running to the cubicle and pushing the door he saw the crumpled body of his best friend draped over the toilet. His top and jacket were gone, his trousers were undone and looked like they'd been forced down his legs as his thighs displayed large red hand marks. Looking at Vince's half shielded face he saw his make up running down his cheeks mixing with the tears from his eyes. His hair was a mess and stuck up at funny angles, covering half his face and sticking to his forehead. His entire body was covered in claw marks and bruises, his left eye looked as though it was beginning to puff up from a punch to the face. Howard lost all resolve he had and threw himself to his knees by Vince's side._

"_Vince, oh my God. Vince." Vince turned his head towards Howard and his quiet sobbing turned into drunken wails as tears began to cascade down his cheeks. Howard bent forwards to lift the young mans head towards him when Vince wrapped his arms round Howard's waist, burying his head in his chest as he wept. Howard shivered, Vince's touch like fire to his flesh. If Vince hadn't been drunk he'd never have done that, and if Howard hadn't had a drink himself he would never have wrapped his arms round the small man, but he was, and he did. They sat on the toilet floor for a few minutes, Vince's sobbing growing quieter, Howard making shhing noises in his ear, rocking him slightly. Eventually Vince's crying stopped and Howard helped him pull his trousers back round his waist and gave him his muffin corduroy jacket to wear. They walked out the club hand in hand, Vince clutching to him for dear life, his eyes wide as they darted around the club in search of his attacker. Howard held Vince's hand just as hard, afraid to let him go and lose him in the crowd, afraid to end the feeling of pure pleasure he felt holding onto the skinny mans hand. Once outside in the cold winter air Vince's grip didn't loosen, he just pulled his body close to Howard's as they walked back to the van, afraid of every shadow and alley they passed. He'd told Howard that the man that attacked him just ruffed him up and took his clothes, then left, but Howard had the distinct impression from Vince's reactions that it was more, but didn't press the matter. When they got back to the van and Howard turned the key in the van door Vince burst into sobs again, his body vibrating with each breath against Howard's body, his heart breaking slightly as he grabbed the young man by the shoulders and they fell to the floor in each others arms. _

"_I'm sorry." Vince spluttered, salty tears staining Howard's shirt a dirty black as they mixed with his makeup. "I'm su-such a fu-fuck up." he stuttered, gripping tightly to Howard's clothes as he continued to cry._

"_Hey, you're not a fuck up." Vince sobbed harder and Howard took a chance, grasping the man by his chin and forcing their eyes to meet, their noses inches from one another. "Listen to me, you're _not _a fuck up. What that guy did to you was wrong and by no means your fault." Vince's lip began to quiver and Howard moved his hand up Vince's face and stroked his cheek warmly. "I was so worried about you." He looked deep into Vince's eyes, Vince looking back into his, and wondered how anyone would want to hurt someone as beautiful as this. Then without warning, Vince closed the gap between them and placed a hard kiss on Howard's lips before pulling back and looking back into Howard's eyes. _

"_I-I'm sorry." he choked, but Howard's hand moved behind his head and he pulled Vince into a second kiss, just as hard as the first only more passionate and fierce. Their lips stayed locked for what felt like eternity until eventually Howard pulled away. He didn't know why he'd done it, not only was it very un-Howard like but after what had just happened to Vince it wasn't the best of ideas at all. But Vince just sat, his eyes closed, mouth still poised in a kiss, until his lids slowly parted and he was looking into Howard's awkward smile. Licking his lips slowly, Vince rose from the ground, pulling Howard to his feet by his hands and moved round to the back of the van. Vince took the keys from Howard's hand and began to open the doors at the back. Howard's hand began to slip from his grip and he turned to look at him. He had a worried expression on his face, like a wary cat by a pond, an enormous fish swimming just below the slippery surface. _

"_I dunno Vince, I mean we're drunk, it doesn't- it doesn't feel right, its just-" Vince's finger pushed against Howard's lips, instantly halting his sentence. He finished unlocking the van doors and pulled Howard inside the van, shutting the doors behind the nervous jazz maverick. _

_The next morning Howard awoke with a pounding headache, his entire body was freezing cold and he was shivering. As he began to sort through the fragmented memories of the night before his eyes shot open as he felt the soft touch of naked skin on his own. Turning next to him he saw the sleeping form of Vince, his body scratched all over, shivering slightly on the cold floor of the van. Howard brought a hand to his face and began quietly swearing to himself. _

_Slowly he rose and got dressed, gently pulling Vince's trouser's on him and grabbing a blanket from the passengers side of the van and practically rolling Vince up in it. He didn't want the young man to wake, but he wanted him to freeze to death even less. Glancing at the clock on the dashboard he cursed to himself realising it was nearly half 11 and they were parked down a back alley, the van in full view of the passers by, he was just glad the police hadn't found them. Gingerly he picked up his sleeping friend but from previous experience knew this wouldn't wake him after the night he'd had. He gently placed him in the passengers seat, once again tucking him into the blanket quite thoroughly so as not to get a draught, and sat in the driver's seat, hands on the steering wheel. _

_There Howard sat for 5 minutes, his eyes on the road in front of him, keys in the ignition, hands on the steering wheel, motionless, unthinking. Then, the big question. How? How had last night led to him and Vince doing- he couldn't think. His grip tightened and he glanced at Vince as he shifted in his sleep, turning his head to face Howard. Howard's mood eased off then, his grip loosening. Vince looked so contented asleep. Howard was sure last night would never have happened under normal circumstances, if it had been someone else in stead of Howard Vince would probably have done the same with them, maybe even gone further than they did, Howard's own fears stopping them from full sexual contact. Howard swallowed. It was all so confusing. Turning the key in the ignition the van sprang to life and Howard began the long journey back home._

_When Vince awoke he had no recollection of the night before, causing Howard's heart to break in his chest although he half expected the response. Howard filled in most of the blanks for Vince, missing out the scene's that followed them leaving the club, and just said they both crashed in the front of the van when they left. Vince, though suffering a worse hangover than Howard, was his usual bubbly self when they finally arrived back at the flat and went about sorting out his appearance, leaving Howard alone in their bedroom, silently crying on Vince's bed, clutching his jacket to his chest, the smell of Vince's sweat and aftershave filling Howard's nostrils as he locked the memories of their night of passion deep in his heart, never to see the light of day again._

_--_

Sorry, couldn't help myself, fluff! Lol I will update asap, I know I've been saying that a lot recently and then not delivering, but I really am sorry and I really will get onto writing and updating, just gotta try and free up my planner a bit and get my laptop out more often. Email me threats if I take too long, that seems to work lol


	8. Chapter 8

A/N: again, apologies for the long wait, my attention span lately's been rubbish and every time i sit down to write i find my mind wandering and before i know it i'm doing something completely different. anyway, hope you like it, and here it is.

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Vince was shaking uncontrollably, thoughts reeling round his head as he waited poised by the front door. _Why is he here? Why am I letting him in? What will he say to me? How does he know where I live? What's going on?_ _What's taking him so long to get here? Does he still hate me? _

Howard stood outside Vince's flat, his hands in his pockets as he stared at the wooden door between him and his past. _What am I doing here? Why did I come? Should I knock or should I walk away? What's he been doing all these years? Did he look for me? Did he care? Does he still hate me?_

Both men stood inches from one another,petrified of that which stood the other side of the door, both too afraid to make the first move. But after what felt like a lifetime Howard finally raised a shaky hand to the wood work and rapped his knuckles on its cold, white surface. A foot away Vince jumped an inch into the air as the knock interrupted his trail of thought. He paused, he didn't want to answer it, he didn't want to face him, not like this at least. _Not like this._ Clenching his fist a few times he lifted a shaking hand to the door and opened it. Both men stood frozen, staring into each others eyes.

"Oh my god, Vince, what happened?" Vince was covered in scratches, cuts and blood, and there were a couple of pieces of glass in the palm of his hand as well. Howard couldn't help himself, he lunged towards the man in front of him and began to look him all over like a worried father, like he used to do when Vince got himself hurt. "When did you do these, what happened? Are you alright? Do you wanna talk about it?" Howard stopped himself suddenly, realising that he was probably the cause of Vince's pain. After a few moments pause, his eyes never leaving the wooden floor beneath his feet, he managed to mumble a weak "I'm sorry" and took a slow step back from Vince realising that their bodies were almost touching where he'd leapt forward to Vince's aid, a reaction it seemed, he never really forgot over time.

_Why?_ Vince's eyes scrunched up into tight lines as he willed back the tears that threatened to fall. _Why are you being so nice? I'm pathetic and worthless and I don't deserve your pity. Why are you always so fucking nice to me? It's my fault, my fault you left, my fault you felt so bad about yourself that you had to leave behind your entire life because you couldn't bare it anymore, couldn't stand being with me anymore. Now here you are, and all I want to do is be held by you. All I want to do is touch you. I…_

"I'm so sorry Howard." The tears fell in torrents, though his voice never wavered. His eyes were red and his whole body was shaking, but he had to say what he'd been wanting to say for 7 years, he couldn't hold it in any longer, not with Howard stood in front of him with that hurt look on his face like everything was his fault, when they both knew full well it was all Vince's fault, it always had been. "I've caused you so much pain. I'm sorry for forcing you away from the flat, away from your life. When you left I didn't know what to do, what to think. My whole world fell apart, I-" Vince was cut off by Howard's hand touching his arm, gripping him in a silent apology. "Don't." He pulled away from Howard's touch, unable to stand the contact he so badly wanted but totally didn't deserve. "It doesn't matter what I felt, I deserved it for being such a total wanka. I just…" He paused, wrapping his arms protectively round himself, wanting nothing more than curl into a ball and cry. "I've missed you so much. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry Howard." He felt his body growing weaker, he'd spent the last few hours crying and smashing up his apartment, and he just didn't have the energy for this anymore, but it had to go on.

Howard's heart broke at the sight of the young man before him. Never had he seen Vince like this, even that night down the alley Vince hadn't been this broken, yet here he was, the sunshine kid, his old best friend, his old life, stood shivering in front of him, pouring his heart out, deathly afraid of being accepted again by Howard. Again, Howard's emotions got the better of him, and he could no longer just stand there watching Vince sob to himself. He stepped forward and surrounded the smaller man with his body, his arms wrapping tightly round his back pulling Vince as close to him as he could.

Vince's shoulder shook uncontrollably as Howard embraced him, his own arms winding round Howard's waist so that his head was buried deep in the older mans neck as he cried. Howard's hand reached up to Vince's head and he began to stroke his hair, rocking him slightly from side to side, memories from years previous flooding into his memory. He'd done this before, too many times over the years with the small electro poof. After a night on the town Vince always got rather emotional and often Howard found himself cradling the younger man into an uneasy sleep, every morning forgetting the night before and going back to his obnoxious, self-obsessed ways, unaware of the pain he caused Howard each and every time.

Suppressing the feelings and memories he'd reviewed too many times, Howard scanned the room and slowly guided Vince over to the worn sofa in the corner by the window, never releasing him from his embrace. When they reached it Vince sat awkwardly at one end, Howard at the other. Sniffing, Vince wiped his eyes and gave Howard a weak smile. Howard smiled back, neither man knowing what to say, what to do. So the silence deepened.

_What am I doing hear? I had everything planned, everything I was going to say to him, everything I needed him to hear. What was it? I can't remember. This is going so badly._

_Why's he just sitting there, what do I say? Should I offer him a cup of tea? No, that's a terrible idea, argh! Say something Howard, anything. I can't stand this silence._

"So." Howard muttered, wishing immediately that he hadn't. _So? I'm such an idiot. He deserves more than this, he deserves reasons, he deserves better than me. _Howard sighed and turned to face Vince. "Honestly, I have no idea why I'm here, but its mostly to apologise." Vince looked at him, shocked and confused, ready to comment, but Howard broke him off. "Hear me out. Seven years ago I made-" He stopped himself, inhaling deeply. _This is it. Its crunch time._ "I made the biggest mistake of my life by turning my back on the shop, on you. I was just so angry. I hated how my life was turning out, I hated that no matter what I did it didn't seem to change, I hated-"

"Me." Vince cut in, his gaze hitting the floor, fresh tears spilling down his face. Howard bit his lip looking at Vince in front of him, how vulnerable he looked. This was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, second only to leaving the flat, but all the reasons that were there then were gone now, time had intervened, this wasn't the same man sat in front of him. Seven years changes a man, he too had changed, but Vince seemed to be a shell of his former self rather than growing into the large rock and roll suit he'd made for himself all those years ago. Howard had learned to express himself in ways other than jazz and Chinese burns, and now it was time to test those skills to their limit.

"I could never hate you Vince." he said the simple sentence with such compassion that Vince had to look at him to make sure he'd heard him right. Howard's calming smile made Vince relax slightly in his seat. "You were my best friend, the yin to my yang, I couldn't hate you. At the time I wanted to, I really did. I hated the way you talked down to me, like I was never good enough, the way you always kept me in the shadows like I was the friend you didn't want people to know about. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate you." Their eyes were locked together, searching deep into one another's souls, trying to find the courage to say what needed to be said.

"I'm so sorry Howard." Vince found himself repeating the words that had haunted him for seven years, words he could never say to Howard until now. "I'm sorry for always leaving you out and calling you names. It was just a laugh, you know? I mean, I know now that it wasn't funny, I lost you for seven years and it nearly killed me. I just wasn't aware of how much of a total prick I was being. But I'm a changed man now, I'm completely different from how I used to be. You have to believe me Howard, I'd never do anything to hurt you on purpose, even back then, if I'd have known, if I'd have just paid attention." Vince's words were cut off as he once again began to sob into his hands. He couldn't take this much longer, he'd spent the last few days in tears and there just weren't enough left.

Howard wanted nothing more than to embrace the small man beside him, but he knew that if he did he'd never let go. Trying his hardest to keep his composure, Howard stretched out a hand and gently rubbed Vince's shoulder.

"Its ok." Vince's voice was little more than a whisper. "Its going to be alright now, we've found each other again. Things will be just like before, just like back at the flat. Only Naboo and Bollo won't be there, and we won't be living above a shop, but we'll have each other, so its alright." Vince lifted his head and smiled at Howard. But Howard wasn't smiling back.

The idea of things going back the way they were, how Vince used to be, was horrifying to him. He missed his old life at the flat, the simplicity, the fun, the adventures, but he'd grown rather fond of his new friends, his new flat, his new life. "Look, Vince, I've missed you, I'm not going to deny it, I've missed you every day since the day I left. But its been such a long time since I left I've grown used to my new life. And I can't just up and leave Jeff, what about rent, about work?" What Howard really wanted to say, he wouldn't dare, it'd hurt Vince too much, but over time Vince's memory had become more of a tumour, eating away at his soul until there was nothing left but a great abyss where Howard's love used to be. Vince was all he ever thought about, and it killed him how much he loved him, but he'd never tell Vince. "I want to keep seeing you Vince, I don't want to lose you again, but its not as easy as you make out. We both have new lives, you've got new friends, a new place, so have I. Things aren't how they used to be back in London, times have changed, and so have we." Howard looked at Vince, but his face was unreadable.

_How can you say that? I spent months looking for you after you left and now I've found you, you don't want me? I've tried to change, and what was it all for? How could you Howard?_

Slowly turning to the man beside him, Vince plastered a watery smile on his face. "No, I get what you mean." His heart was in pieces, and as much as he'd like to think of Howard as his rescuer after all these years, all he was doing was treading the pieces into the ground. "Well, I've got your number, and you know where I live, so that's a start. Only, I'm gonna have to kick you out now, I've got Becky from work coming over and I need to do a bit of tidying up before she gets here." He motioned to the mess around them.

"I'll help, I'm part to blame for the mess anyway." He showed Vince a weak smile but he just shook his head.

"Nah, its cool, I've got it, I'm sure you've got things you need to do." Vince didn't want Howard to leave, but he couldn't stand having him here without really having him. So he rose from the sofa, followed by Howard who looked rather disappointed at being thrown out, and walked to the front door. Opening it he turned to Howard, unable to hide all the hurt in his eyes.

"Come on little man," The nickname brought with it a thousand emotions and Vince wasn't sure how long he could go on pretending to be ok before he simply broke down again. "Call me yeah? Soon." Howard's hand moved to Vince's shoulder and he grasped it, not wanting to leave him alone.

"Yeah no problem, I'll call you when Becky's gone." Vince smiled as Howard's hand left his shoulder, all his strength was going on not crying and begging Howard to stay. "I'll see you soon then." Howard smiled back and stepped out the door.

"Yeah, I'll see you soon." He and Vince stood looking at each other for a while before Howard forced himself to smile and wave, hoarsely whispering a goodbye as he turned, tear falling down his cheeks as he made the long decent down the stairs to the street below.

Vince slammed the door and immediately his chest began to heave, his heart raced, and he fell to the floor, face in hand, seven years of emotions pouring out of him at once.

_I've lost him._

_--_

I know this chapters a bit all over the place but that's how its meant to be, as Howard and Vince are properly seeing each other for the first time in years they're going to be a bit mixed up themselves so I've tried to write it how'd they'd be thinking, sort of. Next chapters gonna be another sad one but we're coming close to the end now, hopefully, so I'll try and get it done quickly.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: here's chapter 9, hope you enjoy it, angst at the end but no huge cliff hanger so you don't have to beat me as hard if I don't update in a while ^^()

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Howard kicked himself as he put his keys in the door. _Idiot. Idiot. Idiot!_ He slammed it shut behind him and threw his coat on the sofa. _Idiot, fucking idiot!_ Walking into the kitchen Howard angrily set about making himself a cup of tea. "Idiot." He sighed as he added an extra sugar to his mug. "What's wrong with you Howard, Man of Action my arse." He picked up the kettle and began emptying the boiling water into his mug, but in his haste he knocked the full mug of water over, causing the burning liquid to splash all over his arm and hand. Quickly dropping the kettle on the side and cursing loudly Howard half ran to the sink the other side of the kitchen and turned on the cold tap, running his hand underneath it. After a few minutes he turned the tap off and gently cradled his head in his unburned hand. Sighing he gave up with his tea and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him, darkness enveloping him. He hadn't noticed the time, but it didn't really bother him. Stumbling through the darkness he made his way to his bed and lay down on the soft mattress.

Minutes turned into hours as Howard tossed and turned on his bed in the darkness, eyes wide open, thousands of thoughts running through his head, all the while hating himself for what he'd said to Vince. He knew he'd upset him as soon as the words had left his mouth, and now he was paying for it. He could hear the hurt in Vince's voice, but he still left, he just left without even getting his number. What if he didn't call? _Of course he won't call. I've ruined it, I've ruined everything._ Howard pulled the duvet closer to his chest and squeezed his eyes shut. He was destined to spend the rest of his life alone and he knew it, he'd just proven that to himself. Eventually Howard slipped into an uneasy sleep, only to be awoken at 4 a.m. by Jeff in time for work.

As the sun began to peak over the roof tops, Howard, Jeff and the team were out on the streets collecting black bags and throwing them in the back of the truck. Howard had a frown plastered on his face, a look that was spreading to Jeff as he began to worry about his friend. Howard had barely said three words since he'd woken up, he just sat at the wheel slowly driving along the curb, lost in his own world. Jeff was walking along the pavement looking at Howard through the passengers window. Shaking his head he reached up to the handle and opened the door, climbing inside and looking at Howard. Slowly Howard turned to face him, an 'are you going to tell me or just mope all day' look on Jeff's face.

"What?" Howard's voice rose half an octave as the word escaped his mouth. He coiled back in his seat slightly as Jeff raised his bushy eyebrow.

"You've been sat there for an hour with a look on your face that makes you look 60 that's how many wrinkles are forming." Howard casually brought a hand to his forehead and rubbed it defensively. Jeff sighed and shook his head. There was a brief pause in conversation as Howard looked sternly on at the road before him still rubbing at his forehead absently. "I take it yesterday didn't go too well then." Howard's hand dropped to the steering wheel, his expression changing as he recapped the events of the day before. Jeff smiled reassuringly and clapped a large hand on Howard's shoulder. "Want to talk about it?" Howard sighed and slowly shook his head from side to side.

"Not much to tell really. I spent about ten minutes in his flat before making myself out to be as emotion as a sea cucumber and then left him crying by the door." Howard's words hung in the air like ice, Jeff not knowing what to say and Howard not wanting the conversation to go any further. And so they sat in silence, finishing their rounds. When the last road was clear of black bags they stopped at the café at the end of the street of a drink and a bite to eat. As the approached the door Howard's heart heaved, it was the café he'd been in the day before pondering whether or not to grow a back bone. Shaking his head he swung the door open and made his way to a table by the window, the same waitress that had been there the day before flashing him a smile before grabbing a pad and pen and making her way over to them.

"Back again?" She leant casually against the post beside the table and smiled at Howard warmly. Howard merely nodded at her, smiling briefly before taking the menu in his hand and burying his head in it, occasionally glancing at the flats that stood the other side of the road and cursing quietly to himself.

Jeff shook his head and rolled his eyes before smiling at the waitress. "Don't mind him, he's socially inept." The waitress chuckled along with Jeff, Howard peering over the menu to glare at Jeff before quickly hiding back behind it. Jeff laughed once again before turning to his menu. "We'll have two bottle of brown ale for now love, thanks." Smiling the waitress scribbled down the drinks and walked back to the counter to get their order.

Howard lowered his menu and sighed, taking his head in his hands and rubbing at his tired eyes. He wanted to disappear, to curl into a ball under the table and just stop existing. But he knew life wasn't that easy, he'd tried before and it hadn't worked. So instead he turned his gaze back out the window and onto the flat. His eyes scanned the rows of windows until they rested on Vince's living room window. The windows were shut and the curtains were drawn causing a frown to cross Howard's face, his stomach making uncomfortable knots. _I've got a bad feeling about this._ The familiar words sprung to the front of Howard's mind and his frown deepened.

The doors to the flat opened and out walked a man that made Howard's stomach both backflip and lurch at the same time, causing him to feel physically nauseous and make his body tremble. Taking deep breaths he managed to calm himself, his eyes never leaving the figure that paced back and forth across the other side of the road. He leant back on his chair and sighed, his expression changing from fear to pain. Vince looked terrible. Even from where Howard sat he could see that Vince's hair hadn't been washed or brushed since Howard had seen him last. He looked pale and had dark circles round his eyes, apparently having as bad a night as Howard had. His arms were folded tightly across his chest, the t-shirt and jeans he wore the only clothing protecting him from the chilling November winds.

"You alright?" Howard jumped at the sound of Jeff's voice and turned to him. Jeff's eyes turned to where Howard had been looking and his eyes widened slightly. "Oh." was all he managed and Howard looked out the window after him.

"Oh." he repeated quietly watching as Vince stood, now still, at the edge of the pavement watching as each car drove past him.

"So are you going to go out to him?" Jeff asked turning to face Howard again. "Looks to me like he needs you as much as you need him." Howard turned to Jeff slightly horrified that he had been so blunt about it, but quickly his expression changed to confusion and contemplation. He took one last look out the window at Vince's pale form stood over the road from him and rose from his chair, a new found courage filling him as he reached for the door and walk out to the street before him.

As he closed the gap between him and Vince he saw the tears that spilled down the younger mans cheeks and his heart fell, his courage wavering. He reached the curb the other side of Vince, the pale mans eyes not wandering from the speeding cars before him. Howard looked up and down the road searching for a gap in the cars, each one speeding past followed by another and another, offering no signs of stopping.

Then Howard's insides felt like the were ripping through his stomach. As his gaze fell once upon on the man before him he saw, almost in slow motion, Vince's left foot leave the pavement and move forwards towards the oncoming traffic. Without a seconds thought Howard had left the pavement and was running toward Vince as an SUV hurtled towards the younger man, horn sounding, hand brake pulled, wheels still skidding across the icy roads. Then before he knew it he was laying on top of Vince on the pavement having hit him full force with his entire body, sending them both plummeting to the ground, the driver of the SUV swearing at them out the window as he drove off.

Vince gasped for air as the force from the collision had winded him. Howard lifted himself up with his hands and knees, still leaning over the smaller man, his eyes filling with tears. Putting his legs either side of Vince's he helped him sit up, kneeling over the younger mans lap and stroking his back as the air rushed through his body. As Vince regained his breath, tears once again began to well in his eyes, and he buried his head in his blood stained fists, cut from the fall. Howard pulled Vince's hands away from his face causing the man to whimper slightly.

"Why?" Was the only word Howard could chock before the rest caught in his throat as tears spilled onto Vince's hands. He lifted himself and Vince up from the floor and they hobbled silently to the doors of the flats. The small crowd that had gathered after the near miss were whispering quietly amongst themselves, looking in the men's direction and shaking their heads or giggling. But the crowd disappeared just as quickly as it had gathered, and Howard led the way to Vince's flat, his arm wrapped tightly round Vince's shoulders defensively, Vince grasping at his dangling hand with both of his, tears still cascading down both men's cheeks.

--

It may end up with the next chapter being the last chapter, I dunno yet though, I just sort of make it up as I go along because any plans I make end up flying out the window as I go off on a tangent half way through the chapter lol. Anyway, hope you liked it, reviews spur me on and I appreciate them loads. Hopefully you'll be reading from me soon.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** ok, suffering from tremendous period pains so I'm trying to get my mind off it. If this chapter sucks please let me know and I'll change it when my insides stop feeling like they're being ripped out through my belly button.

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Howard was sat back on the sofa by the window, his hands in his lap as he nervously rubbed them together. After being sat in silence for ten minutes Howard had finally plucked up the courage to say something, but as his mouth opened Vince had offered a cup of tea, and so he'd left Howard alone in the living room whilst he practically ran off to the kitchen.

Sighing, Howard rose from the sofa and set off in the direction of where Vince had gone. Walking down the corridor he saw the open kitchen before him and headed for it, passing an open door to his left. There was a table lamp switched on next to a bed and Howard glanced in as he passed but stopped and doubled back to get a better look. His eyes widened as he entered the room, standing just inside the doorway and taking in his dimly lit surroundings.

The walls were covered in drawings, paintings, collages, there wasn't a speck of wall to be seen, some paintings even tacked to the ceiling. But they weren't the paintings Vince used to do, portrait's of friends and bowls of sparkling fruit, these pictures were dark, depicting hooded figures, some forcing themselves on trembling victims, vicious animals, pain and fear. Most pictures were black and red, dark blues and the occasional patch of white for contrast, the room was covered in them. Howard's eyes scanned the images of frightened children, cowering forms hiding in corners and terrifying beastly creatures until he focused on the largest picture in the room, a huge canvas hung above the double bed covering the space between the top of the bed and the ceiling. There was an open door in the picture, a beam of white light entering a black room. A figure stood the other side of the door casting a black shadow across the floor of the room, his back turned on another figure sat alone in the room, knees drawn in tight to their chest, red tears falling down their blue cheeks. Howard moved towards the painting, reaching a hand out and touching the rough surface of the canvas. The paint was slapped on in large amounts but with such precision Howard knew exactly what the scene was supposed to be. He looked at the frame of the canvas and read the date; 2 weeks after he'd left the Nabootique. Looking pained Howard turned and left the bedroom, gently closing the door behind him, trying desperately to keep Vince's broken heart in there with his paintings, unable to completely face he destruction he'd caused.

As he walked into the tiny kitchen he saw Vince standing with his back to him holding the kettle, his hands were shaking madly and it was obvious he'd been standing like that for a while, the kettles mouth poised just above a mug, spilling the occasional drop of boiling water on the counter or down the side of the mugs. Howard walked up behind him quietly and put his hand around Vince's to steady the kettle making Vince jump an inch into the air. Howard slipped his other arm round Vince's waist as the smaller man looked up into his eyes, a slightly scared expression on his face.

"I'm sorry." Howard whispered into his ear putting the kettle back on its stand, and with Vince's hand still tightly grasped in his, wrapped his other arm across Vince's chest, pulling him as close to his body as physics would allow. "I'm so sorry Vince. I was being childish walking out on you all those years ago. You'd upset me, so I wanted to upset you, and then after a while of brooding on the subject my upset turned into hate and I didn't go back just to spite you." He could feel Vince's body shaking beneath him as tears dripped onto his arm.

Turning Vince round to face him, his arms still wrapped tightly round him, he planted a soft kiss on his forehead. "I'm sorry about yesterday as well, I didn't want to leave, I was just so scared." He looked deep into Vince's crying eyes and put their foreheads together, bringing a hand up to stroke Vince's unkempt hair. "I didn't think for a moment that you'd try to…" Howard's voice trailed off as the image of Vince stepping into the road flooded his vision, tears welling in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me."

Vince wrapped his arms round Howard's waist and closed the gap between their mouths, their lips locking gently, eyes closed, fireworks erupting all around them, stomachs back flipping, electricity filling their bodies.

Slowly Vince pulled away from Howard's lips and looked into the taller mans eyes. "I don't blame you Howard, I was a complete prick to you, I was just too blind to realise the damage I was causing." Smiling shyly he dropped his gaze, suddenly feeling rather silly. But Howard slid his hand round Vince's neck and lifted his chin up, pulling him into another gentle kiss.

"It doesn't matter, because we've found each other again." Vince smiled and buried his head in Howard's neck, the older man once again taking to stroking his hair.

"I get what you said yesterday, about not being able to go back to the way things were. Like you said, we're different people now." Vince tightened his grip round Howard's waist and planted a soft kiss on his neck causing him to shiver slightly, a quiet giggle escaping Vince's lips.

"I didn't mean it." Vince lifted his head so he was looking at Howard, hope in his eyes for the first time in a long while. "Now I've got you, I never want to let you go." Howard placed his hand at the base of Vince's neck and they both moved in for another kiss, more passionate than the last, hands wandering over each others body, years of denying their feelings for each other forgotten as they lost themselves in the moment.

Vince's hands moved under Howard's jumper, his fingers tracing lines across Howard's skin causing Howard's fingers tightened around Vince's hair at the contact. Vision's of the night outside the club flooded Vince's mind, that maniacs hands gripping at his hair, making him pull back from Howard suddenly. Howard looked puzzled until it dawned on him what he'd done.

"Sorry, I got carried away." Vince shook his head and smiled slightly.

"Its fine, I've had worse." Immediately Vince cursed himself, Howard's expression one of confusion and anger.

"What do you mean, 'had worse'? Has that happened to you before?" Vince dropped his gaze, shrugging slightly.

"I didn't mean it like that." He made to remove his arms from Howard's waist but Howard wouldn't let him go.

"Yes you did." Vince's face screwed up as he fought desperately with the tears behind his eyes. Howard lifted his head up with his hand, Vince's gaze meeting Howard's. "I'm sorry I left you Vince, if I'd have been there I could have stopped it." Howard's eyes were full of hurt as he realised exactly what Vince meant. The pictures in his room of cowering figures, hooded beasts pinning crying people to the floor, it all meant so much more now, and it broke Howard's heart to think of Vince going through such hurt alone, silently crying out for Howard's help, Howard being to proud and selfish to return to him.

"You did stop it, the other night, he'd probably have killed me once he was finished with me, but you turned up, just in time." Vince smiled at him sincerely and placed a hand on his cheek. "You rescued me, even when I'd given up on everything, you came. I can't thank you enough Howard." He rubbed his hand across Howard's cheek, brushing his fingers against the older man's lips.

Howard smiled and hugged Vince close to him before lifting him onto the kitchen counter, causing the man to squeal slightly. Vince wrapped his legs around Howard's waist and pulled him into a kiss, again their hands beginning to wander, though Howard stayed wary and settled for stroking the younger mans hair, his other hand stroking his back.

Vince moved his hands once more under Howard's jumper, feeling every ripple and freckle on the mans body. As his hands moved up Howard's chest he took the jumper in his hands and began to lift it over Howard's head. Howard pulled his lips away from Vince's, smiling shyly before doing as he was told, letting the jumper be pulled over his head and thrown to the floor. Vince began to unbutton his own shirt, Howard watching eagerly like a child watching his ice cream being scooped onto its cone causing Vince to giggle slightly. Howard smirked at him and raised his eyebrows.

"Think its funny do you?" Grabbing Vince firmly at the base of his spine he pulled the younger man off the counter, his legs still wrapped round Howard's waist, into a kind of front piggy-back. Vince squealed once more, quickly wrapping his arms round Howard's neck for support. Howard turned from the kitchen and made his way to the bedroom door, fighting with the handle whilst he kept Vince's form firmly attached to him.

"Don't." Vince whispered causing Howard to take his eyes of the door and look at the younger man. His face had fallen into a solemn frown as he stared at the wall just behind Howard's head. "Don't go in there, its-" But Vince couldn't find the words to express the sheer volume of pain the room held. Howard shifted his grip on the younger man so he had to face Howard, a child like fear on his face.

"Its ok, I've seen it." Vince's fear grew slightly, his eyes widening. "Whilst you were in the kitchen, I walked past and the door was open." Vince's gaze dropped once more to Howard's naked chest, suddenly finding a small mole very interesting. "I didn't mean to intrude, I was just curious," Howard paused as Vince's gaze stayed fixed on his chest. "and worried." He lowered his head and kissed Vince on the cheek. "You don't need to feel like that anymore, I'm not going to leave you, never again." Vince's grip tightened around Howard's neck and the older man placed a soft kiss on Vince's neck, closely followed by another kiss, and another, a quiet moan escaping Vince's mouth, a smile ebbing at Howard's lips. He put his hand on the door handle once more and turned it, kicking the door open. When he walked into the room both men forgot their surroundings and Howard laid Vince's small body on the bed, climbing on top of him. "No one will ever hurt you again." He whispered in between kisses, all the while unbuttoning the rest of Vince's shirt until he too was topless.

Vince pulled back from Howard's kisses and smiled. "I know."

--

When Howard awoke it took him a few seconds to remember where he was, but as it came to him a wide smile crossed his lips. "Vince." He whispered, opening his eyes and scanning the empty bed beside him, a frown now on his face. "Vince?" He called slightly louder.

Pulling the duvet back he rose from the bed and slipped his corduroy trousers on, making his way out of the dimly lit bedroom and into the dark hallway. He wasn't sure of the time but no light came through the open curtains, no sound of cars or passing people, only darkness and the faint outline of the moon through the grey clouds.

Making his way towards the living room he saw a slight glow coming through the doorway. As he reached it he leant against the doorframe, slightly puzzled. Before him stood a naked Vince, surrounded by the glow of candle light, dozens of coloured and scented candles covering the floor, the shelves and the window ledges. In front of Vince was the large canvas that had hung above the bed, Howard hadn't noticed it was missing. Vince had a paintbrush in his hand, black, white and blue paint stained his arms, legs and hair. He was lost in his own world as he flicked his wrist against the canvas, putting the last finishing touches to his greatest work.

Howard walked up behind him and slipped his arms round Vince's waist, Vince once again jumping slightly but quickly relaxing into Howard's embrace. The older man rested his chin on Vince's shoulder and looked hard at the picture before him, wet paint covering its surface.

"What do you think?" Vince asked, paintbrush still hanging limply in his hand dripping paint on the carpet and his toes. Howard smiled and squeezed his arms tighter round Vince's waist.

The figure by the door now had a face, his body changed so he was now looking into the dark room, a room that was no longer so dark. Candles littered the room in the picture much like the room Howard and Vince stood in now. The red tears that cascaded down the crouching figures cheeks were now blue, but the slight smile on the figures face showed them as tears of joy. And now, instead of them hugging their knees, the tiny hands held a pure white dove whose eyes looked at the figure standing by the door, the smile on his face partially obscured by the large moustache that swamped his top lip.

Howard kissed Vince's jaw line just below his ear and smiled. "I love it. Especially the strapping man by the door, very refined." Vince giggled and turned his body round to face Howard.

"Yeah, I based him on my postman, I love it when he comes round, we make cake, drink tea and watch chick flicks all night long." Both men laughed together, the friendship and love they both shared all those years ago returning with ease. And as the paint on the canvas began to dry, Vince and Howard once again fell to the floor, passionately kissing each other, running inquisitive hands over each others frames, making a silent promise to never leave each other again.

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I'm pleased with the end of this, its taken me bloody long enough but its finally finished, and I've gotta say I'm pretty proud. I never finish a series I start and to finally do so makes me feel very proud of myself (ego boost) lol please review, let me know what you think, and hopefully you'll be hearing from me soon with some new stuff.


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